1. ctrl+f “sorry” in my email outbox

2. stare at corner of ceiling for two minutes and remember my secret wish in 2nd grade

3. mumble-sing the Christina Aguilera song from Mulan

4. Tracy, I’d really wanted my name to be Tracy, but for the life of me I can’t remember why

5. I’d told Professor Oak my name was TRACY in my first Red game

6. Then Heather from Girl Scouts borrowed my GameBoy and I made her swear she could play on a new file to try out the game but she was under no circumstances to save her file over mine; she agreed

7. That bitch saved her file over mine

8. Professor Oak asked again, and for some reason I thought DABOMB (Da Bomb!) would be a cool name (??) but I of course managed to fuck it up and played the entire game all the way through even beating the Elite Four under the typo’d moniker DABOMO

9. A neighborhood pal would come over with his Blue and we’d battle and he would almost always win and would always always make constant jabs at DABOMO which I could never really defend myself from because seriously, DABOMO is a pretty dumbass fuck-up

10. How long have I been apologizing for my existence? Since second grade? Fuck, dude.